The Trap of Expectations
I thought it, but didn’t say it…
Powerful energy, this notion, this emotion… this anticipation, whether in hope or fear.
Expectation.
This is the sail that fuels the boatload of disappointments that contribute to one’s life experience. We load our hearts and minds up on what should be the contribution, interaction, achievement, attainment in our relation to others. The thing is, when it comes to our expectation of others, we measure ourselves by our held intention and everyone else by their actions, no consideration to their intent (or of whatever else is going on in their world).
If I were to be honest with myself in full reflection of the soulscape, in full introspection of the lived life, I have expected people to act and do and be and share to my certain determined criteria. I have expected outcomes to be precisely as I’ve fantasized them to be. I have expected others to react as I myself have rehearsed and projected in my mind. And I have expected the world to consider me, the self, the centre of the universe. I have viewed and proceeded as if I was, unconsciously. Sometimes, even consciously projecting that very assumption onto everyone around me. Of course, to my great disappointment, pain and separation. My expectations, ultimately, betrayed me; they did not serve my highest good, my better nature.
What do I know?
Whenever and wherever we expect contrition from those who’ve wronged us, adoration from those who’ve intersected our world and bonded with us, or full disclosure from those closest to us, we can know that we are projecting our personal pain and disappointment onto other imperfect souls. It is in those moments we are best served through self-reflection and ask our inner selves, “What do I know? Am I willing to drop into my personal illusions and expectations in order to see them for what they are? How will I work it in my life with the intent of manifesting the transformation of my expectations, to personal healing and freedom?”
I have come to recognize that the more I expect of others, in their coulds and shoulds and woulds, the more disappointment I heap upon myself – indeed, even self-loathing. For I, too, am an imperfect vessel not fully conscious to my own projections.
An so, therein lies the secret to discover: how do we turn our rigid expectations into pliant anticipations that are malleable and open to all possibility? How do we hold our heart safely in that place of ‘awaiting’ in unconditional positive regard?
It’s a simple approach, but not necessarily easy to execute: we do it one felt sense, one recognized expectation at a time, wrapped up in abundant compassionate care – first, for ourselves in all our wounded being, and then too for others in all of theirs.
This post originally published on my former blog, Cazitudes, May 2017.